Tuesday, January 1, 2013


So, a new year has begun, and just to be sure that I am truly as mediocre and predictable as possible, my new year's resolution is to lose weight. A lot of it. 75 pounds to be exact. Shut up.
I have always been a yo-yo dieter - worse than Oprah in the 80's. The fattest I ever got up to was 225 lbs but that was when I was in my last trimester with Kyle. In my in-between faze I usually hover around 170. After my second child, I went on Medifast and went from 225 to 152 - almost 75 lbs - in a little more than 8 months. It was a freakin' miracle. I stuck to the program like nobody's business & it worked like a charm. I ate 5 of their meals a day, which were almost all mixes that became some tasteless goo with water - soups, shakes, puddings, etc. - and then one "lean and green" meal for dinner - like chicken with asparagus or salmon with broccoli. I didn't drink - and that was real tough because I'm a very social person, I mean, that's part of being a bad mom, right? Not letting them take away your life (and by them I mean my precious little boys), right? But I did what I was supposed to do, ordered my diet sodas at mom's night out instead of drinking my buddies under the table like I usually did. I drank so much water I sloshed when my husband and I got intimate at night (ew, that's a bit much, don't you think?). I exercised pretty regularly - aerobics mostly. I didn't eat any sugar, and my carbs were at less than 10 grams a day - no lie.
When I got down into my 150's, like the goddamn idiot that I prove myself to be on a daily basis, I gave away all my fat clothes. Because, like a country, I learn nothing from my past. I think I might have been a size 10 for 8 days legit. And then the numbers on the scale began their inevitable climb. I mean, once I went off the program, if I touched a piece of bread or potato, it was like I just absorbed a pound right there on the spot. And after I'd gained back 10 lbs, I tried to go back on Medifast but I didn't have the same resolve anymore. Then, things at work started getting really bad - I have the she-devil boss from Hell, but that's another story for another post - and I started packing on the pounds like it was a second job. Finally, I decided to quit smoking - which was/is a really good decision and I've been smoke-free for over 6 months now - but that made the weight gain lightning quick.
So now, I find myself almost back where I started 3 years ago. I weighed in at 223.2 this morning. And this time, I don't even have a child in me so that's pure fat. And I was hung over from the New Year's Eve party the night before but I had made the resolution and I could not wait another day. So I had a protein shake for breakfast and two cups of coffee with non-fat dairy creamer & splenda. Drank a half gallon of water, had a little left-over meatloaf for lunch & a salad for dinner. According to the scale I got on just now, I am down to 222.4 since this morning. Tomorrow, I am planning to make my dinners for the week & put them in little Tupperware containers, and start an exercise program - probably an aerobics routine on tv if I can find one. I've been down this road before....

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